I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
