He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
