I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Randomize
