I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I think I just sharted jello shots
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
