Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
