tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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