I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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