doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
