I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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