just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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