It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
