why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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