Please, let me fuck your mom
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
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