they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
