I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm both gender and math confused
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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