i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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