Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
