i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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