Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
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