I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
