I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
