It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I think my fart just growled at me.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
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