i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
