We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I want her autograph on my taint
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You dont lie about slip and slides
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
