Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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