last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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