Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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