Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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