I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
