Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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