Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
this beer tastes like vomit already
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Randomize
