guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize