i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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