you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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