guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.