we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
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i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
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its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.