My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful