he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂