i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders