My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
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