Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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