I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
