Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
