it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
