I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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