she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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