Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
