I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
