Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
