So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
