My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Randomize
