Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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