i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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