The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
