We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
