i love accidental penises.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
