Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
