You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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