so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Randomize
