we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You dont lie about slip and slides
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
