9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
