he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
