it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
