there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
