We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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