so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
