i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
