How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Can vaginas get frostbite?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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