I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You don't make any sense
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