you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
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I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
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It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize