I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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