Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
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I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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